Thursday, November 7, 2013

Hello All!

Enough with the fake comebacks,  my heart has been heavy with so many things , so  I am choosing to be open and vulnerable with this post, whether it is ready by one or many. 

 I hit rock bottom. Sounds cliche , I know. But hit rock bottom with myself. I have " hit " this bottom before; or so I thought but that appears to have just been the sub floor. 

I had many moments of tears and depression and anxiety because of my weight. I often found excuses or reasons to justify why I was this way and that it's okay. In actuality it's not. 

Ive tried the fad diets, weight watchers and none of it stuck. Why?? I am not exactly sure but I assume I will figure it out along this journey. I have read so many inspirational books & blogs that would get me motivated but none of it stuck with me. 

My rock bottom my real rock bottom was in september . We were out with friends and I thought I looked good. I even went with the "slimming black" skinny Jeans, black blouse and black pumps, hair slicked up. It was a fabulous dinner even felt good enough to take some selflies with a friend. 
My husband told me I looked beautiful which is fabulous confirmation.

It wasn't until we went for drinks following dinner that I hit rock bottom. Go , figure, rock bottom in a bar. Before you go pointing fingers, it wasn't that kind of "BAR."

A friend, a very slim friend friend & I  stood there kind of swaying and bouncing with the beat of the music from a half decent dj, when her fiancé came up and just touched her on her waist   held her and I could actually see the attraction he had to his significant other. I could literally serve the attraction on a plate as it was that palatable. I stood there and continued to sway dance while my husband sat a bit distant.

Him sitting doesn't completely shock me. While everyone says he looks like Mr. Robin thicke , he does not move like robin thinke. But he wasn't even looking or acknowledging me, which I found odd. 

 My husband always affirms me and reminds me of my beauty . But is that beauty enough?  I mean is it for you? 

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