Monday, January 14, 2013

Guest Post:Trouble with Friends!

Hello Lovely Readers!
 Jody, thanks so much for letting me share this!

I have been stalking reading this wonderful blog, Keeping up with Kennedy, I have loved getting to know Jody through her heartfelt yet quirky post! She also has an adorable little munchkin named Kennedy!

The subject of friendship , is a post( life issue)  I  have been struggling with, it's been in my drafts for about a week now. This piece is honest and transparent.... here it is!

Every once in awhile I like to get a little serious on here. And well today is one of those times.

I actually have been wanting to write this post for awhile now but just never really knew what to write. I have a bunch of thoughts that go through my head but it is all kind of jumbled together and wouldn't make sense typed out. With that I am going to try to do my best.

The trouble with friends.
{now that is a loaded title}

I have many great friends in my life. And they all mean so much to me. But sometimes, just sometimes I feel like select ones could care or less about maintaining a friendship with me yet I somehow feel guilty about it.

I never go out anymore. I'm sorry. I have a family, and more specifically a 2 year old that doesn't care how late I was out or how I feel in the morning, she is going to go about her day the same. I'd prefer not to feel like crap the entire next day. Also? I don't enjoy going out and getting drunk every weekend. I am not saying I never drink anymore, but it is usually some wine, or a night out here and there. In my opinion taking care of my family and getting stuff done around the house that needs to is my priority. People count on me to get that stuff done. But because of that, I have "changed." Well you're damn right I changed. That is part of life, part of growing up and having a child.

Then, there are the people that just completely cut you out of their life because they have a new boyfriend or new friends. People that you thought of as some of your closest friends. People that you included in very special times in your life and now you never see them anymore. People that you always thought would be there. They never call. They never ask you to hang out. They never check in to see how you are. I feel like I have to hunt them down just to get a conversation out of them and when I do, they just brush off making plans to hang out. That my friends, breaks a girl's heart.

Also, there are the friends that you feel only come to you when something bad happens to them. That they only want your opinion or want to fill in a gap when other plans fall through. Or when they are having a hard time with their significant other. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being there for support for my friends. I take pride in knowing that they value my opinion enough to ask for it. But what really gets me are the ones that come to me, really just to hear someone talk. They aren't really listening. They aren't really taking anything into consideration. So why do I waste my time trying to help them when I know they aren't going to listen to a thing I say? They are still going to be mad at someone else, or they are still going to get back with that scumbag. And after they get some advice or are feeling a little better? They are gone. Just like that. I go weeks, sometimes months, without hearing a peep from them.

And lastly, there are the friends that are perfectly fine with whichever direction your friendship goes. It's really up to you because you are the one that has to put in all of the effort to keep in touch. I get it people are busy and have lives, jobs, children, families. Hello, welcome to my life.. But friendships should come easy. They should be comfortable and filled with respect, admiration and loyalty. You should be able to go through those busy times and not get to talk as much and still feel as close as ever when you do get back in touch. They should be understanding to circumstances, like you are. They should just get it. Not hold grudges or not make you feel guilty about not trying hard enough.

It is just so frustrating. That is the trouble with friends. There are so many friendships out there but really what are the ones worth keeping?? How do you decide to walk away from someone? To give up on that "friendship?" When is enough, just that?

Don't get me wrong, I do have friends that are awesome. Ones that I am super close with. That get me. That are just as invested in our friendship as I am. We are all busy, but that's ok. I love those friends. I appreciate those friends. But I am having a hard time convincing myself to hold onto the ones that bring negativity into my life. That bring stress and an overabundance of effort on my part when it really doesn't make a difference. I hate to give up on people. I believe the best in everyone. {Well except Nanny Carrie from OTH. She was a crazy bitch.}

I need to cut that out of my life. I need to accept that if my friendship isn't important to them, then I can't force it to be. I can't get back to where we used to be. I am only one side of the relationship and I can only do so much. I can't care for the both of us. And sadly at the end of the day it is what it is.

My life has changed. Theirs may not have or it did but went a different direction. And that is ok. I just need to appreciate the people in my life. I need to let it go and move forward.

With or without them in it.  
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